Author’s Note:
The first book is still making its way through the final publishing machinery — an arcane ritual if ever there was one — but the Boutique has been unlocked early for wanderers, Founding Freaks, kidney-stone survivors, emu sympathizers, and anyone else with questionable taste and excellent judgment. Enjoy responsibly.
And if you’re not ready to acquire artifacts yet, that’s perfectly understandable. Start with the free Secret Stash and get an advance look at what you’re getting yourself into. In the meantime, poke around the site a bit. And if something starts blinking, please inform the nearest emu. They won’t do anything about it. They just like to know.
You Survived the Trivia.
Now Browse the Evidence.
(The Exit Is Through the Gift Shop. You Might As Well.)
Step right up.
Yes, you.
Don’t pretend you were “just looking.” That’s how they all begin.
You have arrived at the Boutique of Bewilderment — our modest little Emporium of the Eccentric where you’ll find shirts, posters, mugs, stickers, and other questionable artifacts pried loose from the stranger corners of Twisted Trivia Press.
Can I promise these items will improve your life?
Almost certainly not.
However they will make your walls, torso, desk, or coffee routine slightly more alarming to the uninitiated.
And won’t that be delicious?
Here you’ll find wearable warnings, wall-mounted evidence, desk-friendly disturbances, and designs that may cause strangers to squint, pause, and ask the most dangerous question in the English language:
“What does that mean?”
When that happens, just smile.
Let them wonder.
Let them earn it.
That’s half the fun.
So browse freely. Touch only what consents. And should an emu offer assistance, do not make direct eye contact unless you are prepared to complete the transaction.
Also, check your wallet.
Welcome to the shop.
The weirdness has price tags now.
We had to order in bulk, and here we are.
repeat offenders, and people who enjoy being present
at the start of questionable decisions.
Secret handshakes you can wear. The right people will get it. The rest can discover the goat on their own.
Rolling Kidney Stones Tour Tee
Midnight Misery Edition
Classic rock meets excruciating pain… and then goes on tour.
.
.
Rolling Kidney Stones Tour Tee
Golden Encore Edition
There’s even a golden encore. Because of course there is.
.
.
Never Forgive. Never Forget. Tee
Emu Enforcement Edition
Enforcement-grade emu fury, Now available in cotton. You may not like them when they’re angry, but you’ll definitely want them on your side.
Emus Need Love Too Tee
Women’s Safe Distance Edition
Love is patient. Love is kind. But it still keeps its fingers away from the beak.
.
Emus Need Love Too Tee
Unisex Safe Distance Edition
A tender reminder that even emotionally volatile flightless birds deserve affection. Trust, on the other hand…
Deliciously alarming wall décor for people who believe “conversation piece” should sound vaguely like a warning.
The Rolling Kidney Stones
Renal Failure Tour ’79 Poster
Like a kidney punch for your walls. And possibly your guests. Deliciously alarming.
Twisted Trivia Press Wants YOU!
Recruitment Poster
Because every wall deserves at least one mildly alarming invitation to questionable decisions.
You were promised weird artifacts. We apologize for our accuracy.
The Rolling Kidney Stones
Renal Failure Tour ’79 Mug
Classic rock. Caffeine. Cramping flank pain. The ’70s are back, and apparently they brought symptoms.
Rolling Kidney Stones Mouse Pad
Midnight Misery Edition
Classic rock. Desk productivity. And a mouse pad that says “I’m working through the pain.” What’s not to love?
Twisted Trivia Press Wants YOU! Mug
Caffeinated Edition
Because every questionable movement needs a recruitment division. Serious recruitment requires fuel. Rocket fuel.
And there you have it, dear reader.
A modest selection of wearable warnings, wall-mounted weirdness, and desk-level disturbances. Acquire what calls to you. Ignore what whispers.
And, if anything here made you laugh, squint, or question mankind’s sanity while quaffing a cold one with a goat…
Congratulations. You’re exactly who this was built for.
Dante’s 10th Circle of Hell
or… Legal Stuff Nobody Reads Anyway
Yes, There Are Rules. No, They’re Not Fun.
…or Contests & Giveaways
Send Us Your Brain Gremlins
…or Idea Submissions
Twisted Transmissions
Awe us with your adoration,
Deluge us with your displeasure,
Or just send fan mail to the mascots